Wednesday Devotional

I'm not gonna lie.....the past 24 hours have been hell on earth. Yesterday morning started off with a tutoring session at UCO for the demon beast that is Algebra. In order to get the full effect, I must first fill you in on the back story of Algebra Tutoring.

So, I'm taking this Flex-Ed Algebra course that is just where you buy the text book, teach yourself, and show up for test day. Bad idea, right? I considered dropping it and just taking it at a traditional campus like OCCC where their classes tend to be a little less challenging (*piece of cake). I picked my mom's brain about it and she thought I should just stick it out and try tutoring (I would loose half the money of the course by dropping at that date....$250). I called Tutoring Central at UCO and spoke with *Chris. (*The name has definitely not been changed to protect the innocent, his name is Chris). I explained to Chris that I haven't had Algebra since my Jr. year of high school and my new Algebra assignments aren't really clicking. He informed me over the phone that he is a Math Ed major and he loves teaching Math. He loves his TI-8 million and would love to show me how that can be my best friend in Algebra. I decide not to drop the class and give it a try. Day #1 of tutoring I meet Chris. He's a large boy with a full beard and Star Wars T-shirt. He doesn't get my humor and he spent 1 hour using words I didn't understand but helped me work through some problems I had from my assignments. I realized then that I don't even know enough about what I am doing to ask the right questions. I basically see how the odd problems are solved and try to extrapolate that onto my other problems.....I'm not learning Algebra, I'm learning the patterns on how to answer problems. No bueno. Day #2 of tutoring, I had 6 problems that I was unable to solve from my last week's work. We got through 2 of them (this is after him using words I don't understand and I told him I had no clue what he was referring to. He said I should know that, looked through my text book, realized I don't yet need to know that, and then proceeded to teach me anyway) when he stands up, hikes up his jeans to reveal un-tied ankle braces (Please read ankle braces again). I asked if he was going somewhere and he responded, "Class, can't be late." as he walked out of the building. Awesome. I got in my car and cried until I realized people were staring.

So that was yesterday morning. Then, in the afternoon, I learned of some terrible news that will basically result in me losing about $8,000....money I need desperately until our house sells. No, not a scary gambling deal gone wrong. Regardless of the situation, we are going to have to seek legal action. I don't have time for a legal battle, I have Algebra homework. Oh, and I accepted that part time drug rep job and I start home study on Monday. YIKES!!! Needless to say, I have a crap ton on my plate right now and I've never cried so much in a 12 hour period. I'm stressed, not sleeping, and the stress has let my immune system take a break so now I am sick. Again, no bueno.

I called my mom yesterday in tears. My mom, the best advice giver I know (except for that Algebra thing) didn't have any advice for me. She couldn't even think of a next step, a plan, or anything. Her only advice was to pray and trust God, because this problem was bigger than me or anyone else. I was, sadly, unsatisfied with that response. I wanted a detailed plan I could follow step by step until it was resolved. I needed a quick fix to take that elephant off my chest. This morning, as my mom is traveling to a sunny beach vacation, she forwarded me this devotional. I have included it in hopes that someone else can take something from this.

You Obey God by Trusting God
by Tom Holladay


But Joseph had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. Matthew 1:25 (NIV)

Today's devotional is by Tom Holladay, teaching pastor at Saddleback Church.

"There are two ways you can live your life. You can live feeling like God owes you an explanation or you can live realizing God has given you great gifts."

Some people are good at the immediate. They can jump right into anything, but they are not good at 'keeping on keeping on.' And other people are good at lasting, but it takes them a long time to get there.

To live the exciting life of faith that God has planned for you, you need to be good at both the immediate and the lasting. And both of those require that you keep on trusting.

Joseph didn't understand what it meant for Jesus to have a virgin birth; he didn't understand Jesus would be God in human flesh. But he knew what God told him to do and so Joseph kept on trusting. He was a newlywed who didn't get a honeymoon, and his new marriage was not anything like he planned, but he still kept trusting.

What are you going to do when life doesn't work out like you planned or wanted?

I am always encouraged by what the apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:8, "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don't know why things happen as they do, but we don't give up and quit" (LB).

I don't know why some people are diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't know why some children rebel so strongly against their parents. I don't know why so many things happen that don't make sense. So it's encouraging to hear one of the greatest men of faith say, "I don't know why thing happen as they do, but I still choose to not give up."

It's good to know that we can trust God and that he knows things we don't. He has promised that one day he will set everything right. One day he will bring everyone who trusts in him together.

Until then there are two ways you can live your life. You can live feeling like God owes you an explanation or you can live realizing God has given you great gifts.

If you live life feeling like God owes you an explanation, you will only wind up in a constant state of bitterness because God doesn't owe you anything.

But even though he doesn't owe you anything, he has given you everything. He gave you his own Son. He gave you the gift of eternal life. He gave you the promise of being together with him forever. Those are great gifts.

Wasn't that fitting. Goose Bumps. I love how God works through others to comfort His own. I love that we, as Christ followers, have entered into a holy covenant with Him and he is doing his darnedest to drill through our thick, clouded, doubting minds that he is the ultimate Problem Solver. My mom is right. My problems are bigger than me. I am pressed on all sides but I will not break.....as long as I am seeking His guidance and trusting in His wisdom.

God is good! (and so is financial aid)

So. I'm going to be honest here. The past couple of weeks have been a little rough. It all started the night I opened my college algebra book. Ummmm....no comprende. No bueno. I actually had to go online and find a tutorial of beginner and then intermediate algebra. It's brutal. I don't even remember how to add, subtract, multiply and divide fractions. Factoring? Forget it. Ugh. I bought a graphing calculator and I have no clue how to even use it.....even after reading the manual. Twice. So I can basically figure out enough to do my assignments but unless the tests are open book and the answers are in the back, I'm screwed. In hindsight, I should have taken the actual class instead of attempting to teach myself from my textbook and mail in my assignments. I'm quite certain, however, that I will NEVER need to know how to graph functions and identify a graphed quadratic equation. Gross. It is just defeating. I have never not "got" anything in my life. School has always been incredibly easy for me. Self-doubt enters stage left.

We also haven't had much of a response on the house. We've only had 1 showing and she was elderly so not interested in our upstairs master. We knew that would be an issue. It was perfect for us having a baby on the way but not many people want to share a wall with both of their kids! I know it only takes 1 person, but I was discouraged about the response. I will say we have a fantastic realtor, Simon. He set up a website for our home (www.newmandrive.com) and utilizes social media. I love that!

I also went against my better judgement and bought a car before our house sold. My brother bought it for us at auction and it was fabulous! It was a '04 Cadillac SRX. It was a little more than I wanted to spend but it was perfect for me and the kids. It looked completely brand new and had a DVD player already built in. I took it to get "checked out" and we found a massive oil leak. Boooo. Long story short, we were able to get our money back because it was misrepresented as a car in perfect condition. I was bummed. I loved that car. So after all these events, I was just feeling down and started to second guess my decision to go back to school. Did someone say Satan? I felt like I couldn't afford it and that I wouldn't be able to keep up in class. And then things took a turn.

This weekend I was able to shadow my friend, Sarah, who is a PA in the ER in Dallas. Shadowing is an application requirement into the PA program. Sarah works the 3pm-2am shift. I was nervous about staying awake and looking like a poser in scrubs. I. Had. A. Blast. Her ER isn't a trauma center so there wasn't anything too horrific. Nothing I gagged at. Success! I have a looooong way to go but the ER is definitely a place I would like to be. And can I tell you how fabulous it is to wear scrubs? Coming from a world where I wore a suit 80% of the time, I am anxiously awaiting a time where it doesn't matter what you eat for lunch, your clothes will still fit and not be painful!

Simon (our realtor) hosted a brokers open at our house yesterday. I think it was a tour of 4 or 5 homes with our house being the last stop. He said they had about 40 realtors come through and the feedback was VERY positive. They also gave away one of my Stella & Dot necklaces so I was able to do some advertising through that! A twofer!

And my best news came today. I received a letter from UCO stating I was awarded a full tuition waiver for 2 years due to my academic and leadership achievements! I literally screamed out loud (SOL) and immediately thanked God for this validation and blessing. Obviously going from one income down to two is a little terrifying and I'm sure we will have many struggles as we go, but at least undergrad tuition won't be one of them. Thank you Jesus.

So needless to say, I'm on a little bit of a high today. My Stella & Dot business is doing well and I feel like I am contributing to the family. It will, at the very least, ease the financial unease of the holiday season and keep the kiddos looking un-homeless. All in all....I'm mentally/emotionally in a good place.

Oh.....but I still suck at algebra. I mean really suck.

Enrollin' with the homies

I enrolled in college today! It's a requirement that all new students to UCO complete FYE (First Year Experience) which I thought was absolutely retarded. I had to pay $25 (but at least I got a free T-shirt that I will wear daily) to sit with 20 transfer students and learn about what I need to do to graduate, what classes transfer, how I apply for financial aid....basically not one thing in the "experience" pertained to me. In fact, when I checked in I was asked, "freshman, sophomore, junior or senior?" Uhhhh....other? I did, however, get to meet with an advisor and enroll before any other student. That's worth it! They shuffled us into a ball room for our information presentation. While waiting for it start I sent one of my best friends, Alicia a text. The following is our exchange:
Me: I'm cruisin' the halls of your Alma Mater as we speak.
Alicia: Yay! Go Bronchos! You should try out for Pom!
The text caused me to laugh out loud and about 40 eyes glared in my direction. It was funny. I found it odd, however, that no one glared at the lady with a giant baby stroller in the front row who kept walking in front of the presenter in order to go get snacks about three different times. Oh, while she left her screaming baby in the stroller. Not. Uh. Propriate. Her baby ruined my experience at First Year Experience.

I would like to briefly get a little off track and talk about my experience at First Year Experience. I have participated in NSI (yay SNU) when I was a Freshman and then had some sort of leadership/peer leader role in NSI my remaining years. It's basically a time where everyone gets all excited, tries to impress people, and be as spastic as they can within the limits of cool. I have learned that the cool quotient differs from college to college. SNU's is pretty low from what I gather. NSI basically feels like the first day of church camp. With that life experience, I am not gonna lie, I was a little apprehensive about FYE today. Chris sent me a text on my way that said, "look for the cool girls and just hang out with them." He was kidding *not really*. I walked into the Nigh Student Center and was flooded with college memories. Not the scholastic type.....more of the make fun of people type. I was almost run over by a girl on a Razor scooter. Yes. Inside. On a razor scooter. Really? Were you in the big of hurry to get to the Chickfila counter that walking just wouldn't cut it?!?!? I would have, literally, pointed and laughed at that girl back in college. Laughed and/or have stuck a stick in her in line wheel. I also saw a handful of girls in skinny jeans or sweats and fur/sweater boots. Really?!?! It was about 70 degrees outside. Again, point and laugh. But, I can say with great pride, I have evolved. I'm not that girl anymore. But really, only because I didn't have anyone that I knew to laugh about it with.

I was a little discouraged because I am going to need A TON more courses than I originally thought due to things not counting and having to take prereq's in order to take my prereqs. Awesome. For example, my ZOO class wouldn't count for Intro to Biology. And so, in order to take Micro or Pathogenic, I need Biology for Majors. Now, at UCO, Trig is a prereq for Physics. Really? The last real math class I had was in 11th grade....Algebra I. Welp. So, I basically took everything I could this first semester and it ended up at 12 hours. Thankfully, I am able to do College Algebra as a FlexEd class online starting next week. After the initial awkwardness of my advisement session, I did get good feedback. She was very positive about what I have decided to do. She did think I was crazy for trying to take all these classes so close together though. Oh well. Here's my schedule:
MWF - 10-10:50 - Inro to Psychology
MWF - 11-11:50 - Chemistry I
M - 1-4:50 - Chemistry Lab
online - Biology for Majors
FlexEd - College Algebra
I did hit the jackpot. I checked OCCC.....no trig for Physics. So that will be Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Whew.

It's crazy how much has changed in just the few (7 but who's counting) years I have been out of college. You can now just add all of your classes online, print your schedule, pay your bill, and view your books...all from the same website. Oh, and this time around my tuition is about 4,000% less than my undergrad. The downside....I get to pay for it this time. Booooo.

It looks like I might have an awesome opportunity to work part-time for a portion of the semester. I am interviewing Friday for a 6 month part-time pharma contract selling Tamiflu. The interview is actually just done on a webcam from my home office. SWEET! No binded copies of my brag book, no referencing page numbers, and no pants. If I get the job, I would start Monday with home study. No travel, a car allowance, cell phone and Internet reimbursement....sounds like a perfect answer to prayer. It's not a ton of money but it's a heck of alot more than $0. So from Jan - April I will have that class schedule and also be working 29 hours. Gheesh. I will keep you posted on that situation.

Check this out! I'm not lying!

Donald Trump

Soooo many of you know I was laid off from my job in August. And no, it wasn't Donald Trump with his perfectly styled hair letting me know I was canned. It was more like, you and 299 of your colleagues (the entire primary care division) need to call this number to learn your fate. It was a shock! I knew a ton of us were going to be let go but in the back of my mind, I thought I was safe. The company had invested in me heavily over the past 2 years with their management development training. I was one of the few considered "ready to promote" so I truly didn't think they would want to lose that investment! I was actually training new hires when the news of lay offs came across voicemail. They sent us all home a few days early.....never a good sign. I felt terrible for the new kids. I have the experience and contacts to easily find another job. These guys don't technically have experience and they quit jobs, moved, and studied their rear ends off for this position. All for a big fat nothing!

Back to me: I sat on my porch while listening to someone read a prepared "speech" explaining the situation and the details of our severance package. It was hard to accept: the company I had been so very loyal to for over 7 years was essentially throwing me away. It was my first and only job after college. But, with that said, I wasn't upset. To be honest, I had been over the job for about a year. Yes, I loved my job and yes, I was really good at it. But I felt like I needed a change of scenery. But being a drug rep comes with golden handcuffs. There's not many other vocations that allow for the flexibility that we have, the benefits, and the pay. So, maybe this was my chance to try something else. The company was very fair in regards to our severance. My plan was to take some time, enjoy my kids, and look for the perfect job. I didn't want to do the same thing and get in the same rut, so I was opposed to a primary care pharma job. I was looking at specialty and/or surgery. I had one promising interview but it didn't pan out. My prayer throughout the process was that I wouldn't be offered a job that isn't right for me. I guess God has answered.

So, I've decided on a BIG change. I will be going to school full-time in January. My hope is that I will complete all of my prerequisites needed and then be accepted into the PA program. I am taking a few classes online, a full load for the spring semester and 1 or 2 summer courses, all at UCO. I will apply to OU's PA program in October of next year and, if accepted, will start the following June. So I have a loooooong road ahead of me. I could use everyone's prayers! I have no clue what it feels like to be a student again. Do I even remember how to study? Can I even make the cut to get into the PA program? Will I throw up in the cadaver lab? Will people call me "mom jeans" behind my back? So many unanswereds! It will be super intense for 5-6 months, a year off, and then super super intense for 30 months. As you can imagine, we will have to make dramatic lifestyle changes and I'm so blessed to have a husband who is up for the challenge. I truly feel that I will be able to give back and serve Christ far more than I ever could in the past. Now it's just up to me to put in the hard work, make it happen and get accepted!

Kidney Stones Part 2

Okay....so I didn't split this story into two parts to be clever. Oscar was napping and that's all I could get out in that sitting. I apologize if I left any of you hanging by a thread. If I did....get a life. Moving on.

Tuesday morning I follow up with my urologist. I was an idiot and didn't go get my CT scans so he couldn't tell me much and made a follow up for Thursday. I've had absolutely no pain since the incident Sunday morning and I definitely have not passed a stone yet. I went for a run (my great friend Blair and I are SUPPOSED to be running another 5k on Saturday) and I felt like crap. The crap feeling had nothing to do with my stones and everything to do with me being out of shape. I went to dinner with the family and we got home and started our evening rituals. As we were bathing Oscar, I felt the twinge. It wasn't awful so I knew I had some time. I let Chris know I was checking out for the evening, put on my jammies, and swallowed my little white pill of relief; aka Lortab. The pain got pretty bad so I tried to soldier through the House I had on DVR while I waited for it to kick in. Nothing. An hour later I was screaming in pain and biting the covers. We called my uncle Mark to come over and sit at our house while we went to the ER. Weeeeelllll, the ER had a four hour wait. I was on the verge of puking and I remember what my sister told me during her bout with stones, "puke on their floor and they get you right back." As I bent over to begin the vomiting process I see a man go up to the desk to inform the attendant that his wife has vomited.....again and that they've already waited 3 hours. Abort! Abort! I repeat....do not throw up in the crowded lobby. You will only be embarrassed and you will still wait like the rest of them. So, I made a fantastic decision that we will just go to the Heart Hospital. Right around the corner. The kid at the desk acted offended but I told him I would literally die before my name was called.

We walked into the Heart Hospital ER and there was not a soul in sight. As I was checking in at registration, the nurse came from the back to triage my symptoms. They put me in a room (like a high end hotel room with a visible toilet by your pillow. But it did have a legit flat screen) and there were three nurses/assistants/techs waiting. One took my BP, one took my temp, and another started my line while I was explaining my symptoms and history to another. All in a matter of minutes. And just moments later, the Dr. came in. I was in tears by this point and he assured me he would take care of my pain ASAP. The nurse gave me some Zofran and then pushed the morphine so slow and ever so kindly. It didn't phase the pain. At all. After a negative pregnancy test we tried some Tramadol which is an anti-inflammatory. It helped but not 100%. By this time I am feeling like some zoo animal that the keepers can't get tranquilized. "The Rhino won't fall!!!!" So we tried another dose of Morphine and that did the trick. After watching one of my fave shows, "The Good Wife" we went home and went to bed.

Trip to urologist #2 went much better. We looked at the CT scan, took some X-Rays and made an appointment for a procedure tomorrow (Friday) morning. He thinks one stone might be in my ureter and he can take that one. The other ones he'll do Lithotripsy on. This is basically where they shoot it with water and high power sound waves in order to break it into smaller, more passable pieces. It should be pretty minor. The do a twilight anaesthetic so you pretty much just go to sleep and wake up sans kidney stones. So I am now enjoying a lovely magnesium citrate cocktail in preparation for tomorrow. Cheers!

Kidney Stones Part 1

So it all began on Saturday, October 9th. It was Holland's (my daughter) 3rd birthday party. It was a wonderful event and the whole crew was a little whiped out. We just lounged around the rest of the day. I kept telling Chris that I couldn't get comfortable and that my kidneys hurt. (Really, who says their kidney's hurt). I always have issues with my back but this felt different. I decided to go to bed around 10. I was hurting really bad. I thought if I could just get to bed and fall asleep, it won't hurt in the morning.
Up I awoke at 2am, thinking I was in labor. I debated waking up Chris because I felt terrible....didn't debate long. Woke him up and we had to call my mom to come over and stay at our house so we could go the ER. She gets there pretty quickly and we load up and head to Mercy. All the while I am making strange animal noises. Sadly, I remember looking at the clock and thinking, "thank God it's 2:30am. That way I didn't die on Holland's birthday." It was that bad. Thoughts of "I did not know I was pregnant" entered my brain. Hey....at least it would account for the recent weight gain!
Chris pulls up and I get out of the car. No pain. I felt completely fine. I felt like a total jackass. I just woke up two sleepy poeple for some strange pain that is completely gone. Chris convinced me to go ahead and get checked out since we were already there (he didn't know about the $50 copay). They asked what my pain level is......3, but it was an 11. They take me back, cath me, and send me up to CT. Apparently there a ton of blood in my urine and the scan showed multiple stones. Awesome. They sent me home with an rx for pain meds, a paper strainer, and the warning that the stones will all be trying to come out so be ready to take the pain meds at a moment's notice. If only it were that easy. To Be Continued.

Welcome

So it appears I have entered the world of the cliched "mom blog." Let me first say that I highly doubt anyone will read this blog......at least more than the first post! I've had numerous people ask me why I don't blog. The reason I don't is because of the pressure to always come up with a witty story, amazing creativity, or an interesting subject matter.

With all the recent events that have occured in my life, I felt like now is the time to become a blogger. I am warning you now: This blog will have absolutely no structure....no organized posts. It will be the ramblings of a woman who thinks things are really funny in her head but typed out in the blogosphere....well, a girl can dream.